And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
