Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Randomize
