My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
time to smoke my breakfast
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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