He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
