she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
