that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
