if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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