I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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