So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I have aggressive nipples.
I am available for nakedness
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
