Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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