There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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