Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
