i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
