pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
you traded sex for a burrito?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Randomize
