I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize