Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
