final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
areolas are like halos for boobs.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
