That reminds me...we need to get swords
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
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