addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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