I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
