I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Randomize
