try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
