Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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