What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize