pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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