Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Randomize
