I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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