So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
