I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
