Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
