So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
