my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
