ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I love you. Go after that dick
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
