First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
