Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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