I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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