Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize