time to smoke my breakfast
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize