there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
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