therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Randomize
