Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
