hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Come on in and take your pants off
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