I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Randomize