So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
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