I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Randomize
