My cat gives me a boner
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Two words: nipple clamps
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