her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
