She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
