Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
