I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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