There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
