I feel like abortions should bother me more
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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