Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
BRING THE BAGELS
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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