Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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