are you still at the devil's house?
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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