when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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