True but thats because hes a fetus.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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