Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
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