I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
