Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I party with great urgency now.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
