also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
Randomize
