I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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