I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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