So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
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