Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
