How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
