Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
