I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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