i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
