I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
