: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
