You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
