I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
Randomize
