The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
