The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Randomize
