Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
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