R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
