ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
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