So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
