Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
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