I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
