"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
