I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
