I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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